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Hoarfrost and Crocus Shoots

by Jessye DeSilva

supported by
Kerr Griffin
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Kerr Griffin Jessye DeSilva is like the musical non-binary love child of Florence Welch and Stevie Nicks! Complex and poetic with a beautiful lilting voice. Favorite track: Heretic.
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1.
He was born in a town filled with athletes and fields, Where a sensitive soul needs a bodily shield. His shell was a prison with bars that don't yield To the beauty he pictures inside. He decided one day to go outside and play. The boys talk a big talk with their guns on display. But he'd brought a paintbrush to the knife fight that day And the world quickly makes up its mind. So run... run... into the wide open inside Run... run... into the wide open inside He tried to keep quiet, he tried to stay sweet, He snuffed out his sparkle to keep himself safe, But soon he would learn even words can have teeth, And they deal a mean blow to the mind. So he boarded a train to the city one night, Swaddled in blankets of concrete and lights, Sheltered by buildings that climbed toward the sky, He'd finally learned how to fly. So step into the cave of your pain and your grief, Climb for a while 'til you find some relief. Go to the place where your song bears its teeth, And bring the thing with you outside.
2.
Homeroom 1996, I was just a new kid at your school Probing adolescent eyes and whispers made me feel like such a fool , but there was you Voice like a butterfly and openness to meet folks where they’re at Music in your throat and lines of poems sprouting from your hands Nothing fake and nothing planned Oh Jeannie Frances don’t you cry One day your heart will open wide, and that harsh wind will help you fly And over time - you might find There’s no need to wonder why No Jeannie Frances don’t you weep You have the prettiest of eyes even though you don't believe With a kind of gleam - that you can’t see But you should know you’re always beautiful to me We became fast friends and soon we shared all of our secret hopes and fears When ridicule became too much we’d build each other up and sing through tears But I still tried hard not to see… You knew things about me that I couldn’t or I wouldn’t know myself When someone you loved needed you, you’d fold your dreams and wishes on the shelf Rang your kindness like a bell There was sadness in your smile and some kind of pain behind your eyes You tried on every costume that there ever was to try Kept giving love and grace away in hopes to find a way to love yourself Busy healing hearts but all the while just wishing you were someone else.
3.
Mark's Song 05:18
Jars of purple hair dye lined your shelf with dull eye pencils, pigments meant to reinvent yourself. You decoupaged the walls and hung up branches sprayed with gold, Finding ways to make shit shine, the life left in what's old. Your shine was just too much for that mean town. You tried to give 'em sparkle but they'd only knock you down, And when they left you bludgeoned, bruised, and bloodied on the tracks You knew it wasn't in you to grow hard and give it back. You knew yourself in a way I never have. I drown in drops of water before I draw the bath. No sooner would your swim to shore than an earthquake split the sand, but you'd crawl your way through rubble to my door to ask me how I'd been. There were times when it was hard to be your friend, And even flames of friendship need some fanning now and then. A phoenix needs some embers left to rise from like the sun. An alley cat can only gamble nine times 'til she's done. So I guess that what I'm saying's I'm not mad, 'least not with you, how could I be with all the hurt you've had? I wish that I could offer something more than a cliche, But your shine was just too much for me to capture on a page.
4.
5.
Been spending all my mental currency On these chilly, wine-drenched nights Like a lamp left on for nobody In the short-lived evening light No one wants to be alone When the autumn chill sets in And daylight flickers and lets out a groan As the night seeps in at four pm If I can claw my way out of the pit Crack through the coffin, climb outside Maybe the pills will help me give a shit Maybe I’ll find the silver line I’m jealous how the sun puts gold inside your eyes And I’m bitter that I missed it for myself And as the late-bird beats its wings across the sky I let my dreams expire on the shelf I’m overcast with some stray showers A cold room left with windows bare Homesick for the rooms that held your laughter And the feeling it was me who put it there Sometimes soft’s just not enough to keep me warm Like a cotton scarf to shield me from the storm I need the itch of something scratching on my skin To remind me of the body I’m stuck in. So I’ll settle in inside the solemn monochrome Of darkness at the day’s close in November I’ll let these winter words spill out and soothe my aching bones As I huddle toward the warmth of dying embers. But if I could claw my way out of the pit Crack through the coffin, climb outside Maybe the pills will help me give a shit Maybe I’ll find the silver line Pull myself up and out and off of it Trudge through the dark and lengthy night Maybe November’s just the worst of it And by December I can smile.
6.
Bright Light 03:51
Good morning love When your eyelids lift it's just like someone Lifted up the blinds inside our room. And I recall The first time that I saw you smile, I felt my Heart crack open... did you feel it too? You're like the days in summer Waking bright and late to slumber. I am like a stormy, color-changing sea. In the evening just before I rest my head And in the morning when I rise The greatest gift is knowing that I'll always get to see the shine In your eyes You're my bright light. Good evening love Each time that I hear you laugh it snaps me Back into the present, here and now. And do you know No matter how lost I may seem sometimes Your smile can always help me find the ground? Hello my love We're like two puzzle parts, each one uniquely made, One out of wood, one out of stone, But we've still got Some common edges and related angles, Put together they look just like home. Good morning love When your eyelids lift it's just like someone Opened up the blinds inside our room.
7.
Whistle in the wind on a summer night with a heat so thick it hums, Feel a ragged rhythm inside of my chest that's beating like a kettle drum Gonna lift the latch, fling open the curtains, raise my chest and lift my head, Suck the boiling air deep into my lungs, let out a cry that could raise the dead. I wanna wake the dead Disturb the beast, shake the part of me that's sleeping, and wake the dead. I'm ready to wake the dead. Baby tried hard to tame my mess, gave me a roof, 3 meals, 4 walls, Said that only he could love me best but now baby's been a long time gone. Now demons are only angels with slightly cuter shoes, And my demons are not remotely conquered, they've just been barely subdued. Heard the siren call of the open sky and now I feel it's time to choose. If I run I might not be sure to win but if I stay I'm bound to lose. I'm gonna light the match, set off a holy fire, and wake the dead Whistle in the wind on a summer night in a heat so thick it hums, Feel a ragged rhythm inside my chest, it's beating... like a god damn drum...
8.
Heretic 03:41
The air is angry today It’s tight and still like it’s just holding its breath, and it Feels like I showed up to late. Was I just Sitting pretty waiting for a swift painless end? Spent thirty years underground Stuffed inside a box, dressed in a suit and a tie Barely making a sound Dreaming of a gown and rooms with views of the sky But I’m not coming home No I’m not coming home I’m not your wayward sister Ain’t your prodigal son I’m not angry but I’m not coming home. The sky is seething today, there was a Time when I’d have said that god was shedding his tears But now I know it’s only the rain, if someone’s Crying it’s the earth bearing the weight of our fears I feel alone and exposed It’s just my bright red heart against the stark grey sky, My only power is my own There’s no one flying in to save me so I might as well fight And now I'm not coming home Whither thou goest I no longer will go Ain’t your repentant harlot Or your Saul on the road Don’t need forgiveness and I’m not coming home. So paint me a heretic and hand me my broom, give me an Alter to indifference in a quiet room, Won’t be comunning at your table or heading your call, because the Land of milk and honey's just outside of your walls And I am not coming home No I’m not coming home I’ll make my own pillar of clouds And burn the bush on my own Don’t need forgiveness and I’m not coming home No I am not coming home Whither thou goest I no longer will go I’m not your wayward sister Ain’t your prodigal son I’m not angry but I’m not coming home... Don't need forgiveness and I'm not coming home... No I'm not angry but I'm not coming home.

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Jessye's debut EP focuses on the pain and precariousness of growth and change.

credits

released April 1, 2019

Music and Lyrics by Jessye DeSilva*
*"Jeannie Frances" by Jessye DeSilva and Joe Dunn
*"Hounds of Love" by Kate Bush
Jessye DeSilva - Vocals, Piano, Keyboards
Matt Malikowski -Producer, Engineer, Guitars, Bass, Drums
Andrés Amitai Wilson - Guitars
Thor Speeler - Mandolin

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Jessye DeSilva Boston, Massachusetts

Jessye DeSilva (they/she) seamlessly blends theatrical pop elements with traditional folk and roots music to form their piano-driven alt-americana sound. She infuses hope into songs about religious alienation, mental health struggles, and societal injustice to create a uniquely queer and unholy ruckus. ... more

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